It’s hard being a working Mum. There’s a lot of responsibilities and people depending on you.
Your clients/colleagues/customers depend on you.
Your Children depend on you
Your partner depends on you
Your house depends on you
Fuck, even the dog depends on you.
You have a lot that depend on you and sometimes you feel like you have no one that you can depend on.
I’m one of the lucky ones though that has a husband that will do the housework. He doesn’t seem to mind picking up an iron, doing the vacuuming or making the dinner. I suppose to an extent he knows that if he doesn’t do it, it won’t happen. He doesn’t seem to mind. Or maybe he does but knows better than to say anything.
The Kids (7 and 11) are really forgiving. They seem to know that I try my best on the school holidays. It often means taking them to the park and letting them run off and play while I sit in the car/on a bench and make phone calls and send emails. Their Dad would be in there holding the flying fox for them as they climb on board, pushing them super high on the swings, spinning them on the vomit inducing spinning things till they beg to be let off. I can’t. I’m talking to a crying Mum on the phone and need to concentrate. I’m giving advice to other families while mine are looking after themselves.
I’m sitting them in front of the TV while I continue to work.
Sometimes we even have a laugh about how busy I am. Miss 7 said to me one evening as I was in the Kitchen making dinner, “Mum, you don’t do anything for yourself do you?”
I replied, “No, not really. I’m pretty busy at work”. (How fucking sad is that? I’m teaching my daughter that everyone else is more important than me! Fuck, I hope she doesn’t grow up like me!)
She said, “well you really should do something for yourself”. “Like what?” I responded.
“Well maybe one night you could cook a dinner that you like!” she said proud that she had thought of something nice for me to do! Nice! Just what I need!!! Hahaha
But more often than not, I feel guilty that I ask too much of my children, of my husband and of the bloody dog. I feel so guilty about my lack of domestic goddessness that I have a cleaner come in once a week to take the pressure off my husband. But, my kids have their chores to do to help Mum and Dad out and my 11-year-old makes a great cup of tea for me without prompt. They tell me often that I’m a good mum, especially when they see me stressed. Maybe hubby has told them to say that but I think it comes from the heart.
So while my children are off playing at the park without me and doing art and crafts at the table craving me to be there with them, I’m tapping on my keyboard, making phone calls, answering messages, listening to a mountain of voicemails of others craving my ear and pretending that life is rosy and that I’m holding my shit together. On the outside I am. On the inside, it hurts that I can’t just take the school holidays off. I dread the school holidays. I dread them not because I don’t want the kids around but because I know that the guilt will come back again.
I just hope to fuck that they grow up knowing that I done the best I could for them as I was trying to hold my shit together in trying to do the right thing for everyone. I hope I teach them to have a strong work ethic. I hope I teach them that running a household means everyone needs to chip in. But more than anything, I hope I teach them that when it matters, they are “in the moment” and not missing the important things.
So when you have to leave me a voicemail at 4pm, It’s probably because my kids are at swimming lessons and I’m watching them or they are struggling with their homework and I’m helping. I promise to get back to you when my husband comes home from work and takes over making the dinner or the next day when the kids are back at school or at the park so I can concentrate again.
Work from home Mum’s, I applaud you!!!
How the fuck do you do it! You are amazing!!!!!